Owning the Spotlight Without Losing the Soul
This episode with Patrick Custer, host of Rooted Recovery Stories and GLAD Award nominee, starts playful with “you love the spotlight” and quickly becomes something deeper. Identity, faith, addiction, recovery, and learning to live in the gray.
Spotlight as connection
Patrick owns that he likes attention, but reframes it. The spotlight is not ego. It is connection. Growing up, being expressive was treated like a flaw, being “too much,” so he learned to dim himself. Recovery helped him reclaim that visibility as something he can use for good, especially by sharing the spotlight with others.
From black and white religion to living faith
Raised in rigid, fear based religion, Patrick describes a world of absolutes. Right and wrong. God and devil. Saved or damned. Questioning was treated as dangerous. In treatment, he was given permission to start smaller and simpler. Do I believe a higher power exists? If so, what might that power want for me?
Today he still identifies as Christian, but his faith is more open and compassionate. A key shift is that he no longer believes doubt makes him bad. He allows seasons where he feels far from God without shame, and that freedom actually strengthens his spirituality.
Harm reduction and the gray space
Patrick explains how black and white messaging, especially around substances, often fails in real life. Absolutes collapse when people encounter reality, and when that happens, trust disappears and secrecy grows. He advocates for harm reduction. Honest conversations, realistic expectations, and tools for making better decisions instead of rules that deny lived experience.
Sobriety, identity, and being gay
Patrick’s recovery is inseparable from coming out. For years, he could not reconcile his sexuality with what he had been taught, so he shelved everything. His beliefs, his identity, even his relationship with God. Over time, reflection transformed shame into self respect. Today he speaks openly about dignity, equality, and how authenticity became a lifeline.
Why he started the podcast
Rooted Recovery Stories began during the first week of COVID lockdowns, when isolation threatened recovery everywhere. What started as a rapid response to keep people connected became a calling. The podcast centers other people’s stories, and treats connection as medicine.
Two moments that anchor the episode
To his younger self: “Do not dim your light. Shine wherever you can. And if people do not like it, find new people.”
The starfish story reminds us that helping one still matters. It matters to this one.
The takeaway
It is never too late to start loving yourself. You do not need certainty to move forward. You need honesty, connection, and the willingness to take the next step.
Connect with Patrick Custer
