Breaking Toxic Patterns and Embracing Authenticity
Have you ever experienced déjà vu in life – not the kind where you swear you’ve been somewhere before, but the kind where the same situations seem to repeat themselves? Same story, different cast?
That’s where I found myself. Over and over, I encountered familiar scenarios that weren’t serving me, yet I stayed in the cycle, unaware that my inauthenticity was the common thread.
For years, I tried to fit into molds others made for me, starting in childhood.
Through subtle disapprovals – tone, the raised eyebrow, the quiet suggestions that my choices weren’t enough – I was taught that to be safe, I had to please others. I became an expert at hiding my true self to earn love, acceptance, and security.
But here’s the thing about patterns: they repeat until we consciously stop them.
“Being authentic isn’t just freeing – it’s the foundation for building a life that feels truly your own.”
Once I started peeling back the layers of my life, I noticed how these patterns played out everywhere; in work, relationships, even first dates. I thought being who others wanted me to be was the key to connection, but it only led to disconnect and self-doubt.
By embracing who I am, flaws and all, I’ve started breaking free from those repeating patterns.
“If we don’t show up as ourselves, we start to believe we’re not worthy of connection.”
This is why authenticity matters – it’s the key to forming genuine relationships and living in alignment with who we truly are.
“Our names hold power, meaning, and the potential to redefine who we are.”
In this episode, I explore how changing my name symbolized reclaiming my identity.
For years, I had been carrying the weight of a last name I didn’t fully identify with; partly out of family tradition, partly out of fear of rejection. But one of the most defining moments of my life was when I decided to take my mom’s last name, Turtz.
The act of writing Charles Turtz down for the first time felt like stepping out of a shadow and into the light. It wasn’t just a name change; it was a declaration of ownership.
My maternal grandparents’ reactions were unforgettable. My grandmother’s joy and my grandfather’s tearful silence showed me how much this act resonated not just with me, but with my family history.
But not everyone shared their excitement. My father’s reaction was the hardest to navigate. His anger reinforced the lesson I’d spent years unlearning: my choices didn’t have to revolve around his expectations. Holding my ground during that conversation was one of my first major acts of authenticity – and it was liberating.
In those moments of tension, it’s easy to get caught up in the pain of rejection. Yet, that’s when the pendulum of life swings the other way, offering clarity and growth.
“If we look at life as a pendulum and focus on the side it swings to when we are in pain, we can sometimes miss it swinging in the other direction.”
Pain has a way of narrowing our vision, drawing us in until it feels like the only thing that exists. But pendulums rarely stay still, and neither do we.
For every deep ache, there’s an opposite swing, a moment of clarity, growth, or connection that emerges from the very struggles we endure.
Take, for example, the piercing words from someone I was dating, who told me he could never introduce me to his parents because of my job not being “real” enough, according to him. The rejection stung deeply, and for a moment, I fell into the familiar pattern of wondering how I could contort myself to meet someone else’s expectations.
Yet, with time, I realized that moment wasn’t about me being “not enough”- it was about them not being able to accept my authenticity. That painful swing taught me to hold on to the parts of myself I loved, even when someone else couldn’t.
When we pull back and look at the full arc of the pendulum, we can see how those moments of pain, rejection, and vulnerability set the stage for growth, strength, and authenticity. It doesn’t erase the hurt, but it shows us that even the hardest swings have the potential to carry us forward.
If you’re navigating similar struggles, I encourage you to reflect on the patterns in your life. Ask yourself:
- Where am I sacrificing authenticity for approval or comfort?
- What limiting beliefs am I holding onto that no longer serve me?
- How can I take a small step toward embracing my true self today?
Let’s keep unpacking these layers together.
