In life’s most difficult moments, we are often tested, and the answers we find aren’t always what we expect. For many, the path to recovery involves healing from sexual trauma, a journey that requires bringing painful secrets into the light to find true connection. In this vulnerable episode of TURTZED, I sat down with James Boucher, who shared his transformative journey from a life of deep-seated secrecy to one of authentic visibility.
James’s story is a powerful reminder that the shame we hold around our past often keeps us from the connection we crave. By choosing to “blast” an individual who attempted to exploit him through a secret recording, he took back control and discovered a version of himself that was ready to stop hiding. Healing from sexual trauma allowed his true self to finally emerge from the shadows of his own narrative.
1. Taking Back Control of Your Narrative
For many survivors, the fear of exposure or judgment is what keeps them in a cycle of silence. James is candid about the fact that healing from sexual trauma requires a definitive choice to own your story before someone else can use it against you.
- The Catalyst for Change: After being secretly recorded and threatened with the footage, James chose to expose the situation himself on TikTok.
- Stripping Away the Power of Shame: By exposing that small part of himself, he realized that it became much easier to stop hiding other aspects of his life.
- Turning Negatives into Positives: James shifted from a state of panic to a state of purpose, using the situation to start a broader conversation about his experiences.
2. Breaking the Silence After Decades of Secrecy
A pivotal realization in this episode is that the weight of the trauma is often exacerbated by the years spent “editing” oneself to fit in. When you are healing from sexual trauma, you must confront the “double life” created by secrecy.
- The Long Road to Disclosure: James had been in therapy for five years before he felt comfortable enough to even mention his childhood trauma to his therapist.
- Identifying the Real Burden: He noted that it wasn’t just the event itself that plagued him, but the “shame and the secrecy” that followed it throughout his adulthood.
- Incremental Progress: James emphasizes that his current courage came incrementally through ten years of consistent therapeutic work.
3. The Power of a Seen Community
One of the most profound turning points for James was finding a community where his history was understood rather than judged. Healing from sexual trauma is accelerated when you find yourself in the company of people with shared backgrounds.
- Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone: Despite being an anxiety-ridden person, James traveled alone to an industry conference for his work. Which became a “big win” for his confidence.
- Finding Shared Experience: Being around others who understood the industry and shared histories of trauma allowed him to be 100% himself without the need to censor his past.
- The Physical Relief of Connection: There is a visible weight that comes off a person the moment they feel seen and understood by their peers.
4. Building a Foundation on Sobriety and Therapy
True healing often requires a multi-faceted approach to stabilize the nervous system and process underlying pain. For James, healing from sexual trauma was inextricably linked to his journey in recovery.
- Sobriety as a Foundation: James has been 10 years sober, starting therapy immediately after he quit drinking, which he credits for his success in mental health.
- Reframing Younger Self: His therapist helped him process childhood shame by having him imagine a trusted friend entering the room to protect his younger self.
- Doing the Hard Work: Reclaiming a sense of self after trauma takes really hard work, and there is no one-size-fits-all path.
5. Committing to a Mission of Authenticity
James’s message to anyone else healing from sexual trauma is to embrace the difficult process of speaking your truth.
- Being Factual and Intentional: When sharing his story on social media, James focuses on being factual, allowing his story to speak for itself.
- Testing Your Circle: He learned that people are often less judgmental than we fear, and if they are, it is a sign to find “fierce protectors” who will support you instead.
- A Continuous Mission: For James, every podcast appearance and video is another step in his mission to live an authentic, uncensored life.
The Message to Carry With You
James’s final message is a call to speak your truth, even when it feels impossible. The relief of living without skeletons is worth the temporary discomfort of exposure. As James continues his journey, he proves that healing from sexual trauma isn’t just about moving past the pain, it’s about the person you discover when you finally stop hiding.
Connect with James Boucher
